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Lea, 無事不登三寶殿

如何改變家暴行為?

問:可能是工作壓力,我老公最近脾氣很暴躁,激動的時候會對我有肢體上的碰撞,我怕會嚇到小孩子,自己也很擔心,但是他以前不是這樣子的,我也不想離婚,我應該怎麼辦?

心理專家陳鈺答:家暴,不一定肢體上的暴力才是家暴。情緒上的貶低對方,粗暴的言語,及對配偶行動自由,經濟上的控制等都是家暴的一種。

家暴的行為跟施暴者人格上的健全與否,壓力及情緒管理的能力,從小可能在生長環境中並未學習到非暴力的解決方法,酗酒,吸毒… 等原因有關。

相信對妳而言是已經持續多年的問題,且已經造成許多負面的影響,所以必須很積極的去面對,因為牽涉的層面非常廣泛且對配偶及孩子的人身安全及心理都會造成極大的傷害!

1, 家暴在婚姻中的狀況多半是一個Cycle ( 循環的發生),施暴者在有家暴行為之後會有一段後悔(懺悔,發誓不再發生,答應去上情緒控制的課…)的時間,然後就會有一段蜜月期,但隨著生活壓力及兩人關係的緊張,暴力行為會一再發生。如果施暴者不能自己承認有問題且及時找到協助,最後會因暴力行為而傷害家人,造成不能彌補的遺憾。

2, 家暴在美國是不被容許的,受虐者為了自己及孩子的安全,是不宜一再容忍。有時候驗傷,舉報,是必須的,一但警方介入,法院會判決強制作心理輔導及情緒控管的課程。受虐一方可申請保護令,在施暴者還沒完成課程前不至於報復舉報一方。

3, 不要認為孩子不知道父母的家暴行為。父母之間的緊張關係,吵架,打架連七,八歲的小孩都知道。他們很焦慮,擔心媽媽受傷,甚至會挺身而出想救媽媽… 這些都會造成孩子心裡的創傷。學校的老師,或醫療人員如果知道,家暴也是必須向兒童及家庭服務局舉報的一個項目!因為對兒童的心理創傷是很深遠的。

4, 所以最重要的,妳和孩子的人身安全考慮為第一,請先找專業的心理人員談一下,了解妳可以作的以及得到的資源。要積極面對,因為如果先生沒有接受任何幫忙控制他的情緒及解決他本身的問題,要改變是很困難的!

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LEA
“十点放轻松”的email address: 10dian1300@gmail.com

2 Comments

  1. 主持人您们好:我帮我的朋友咨旬:她和她的丈夫结婚30多年了。2017年他们买了第二个房,她先生说他搬到那个房去住,但不离婚。他搬去的当晚就找一女同度夜。至今他又换了另一位女人,每周来过夜。这几日他说要离婚。请问,男方这样了,离婚,她女方可以争取她什么样权益来保护她自己。她以60多岁了,因这几年的伤害,她心脏病很严重,以不能工作了。他们的这两个房现在是各住一处。她现在要每月付房贷($27万,还贷期30年,每月付$1800/每月。每年房产税$8000多)。女方现在因病不能工作了。请帮帮,问问律师。谢谢,谢谢。另:女方在中国每年有几千没元的退休金,男方借这原因,不给赡养费。这是对的吗?请帮帮她,谢谢,谢谢。

  2. 三宝殿你们好:
    我和朋友一起开了一个公司(LLC),投资总额是一人一半,因为我自身原因,公司的法定代表人是朋友的名字,但是为了防止万一以后有纠分,我们私底下写了个合同,公司的股权和资本都是各一半(50%是我,另外50%是朋友),我们都去公证处办理公证,我的问题是:这样公证后的合同有法律效力吗?还是说一定要找律师起草合同才行,那要找什么样的律师.谢谢你们

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